Monday, July 25, 2011

Scarley & Me

Scarlet, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways... well there is the; NO, that won't work. How about how you; NO, that actually drives me crazy! I know, it's the; wait, that makes me cry! Hmmmm, I got nuttin'!
You know there is a problem when you have to pay someone (a big fat THANK YOU to the saint Brittany M. for your sacrifice) to keep your dog while you take a vacation (for the sole purpose of being away from her). I am afraid that she accepted the challenge because she loved dogs so much. I am even more afraid that a week with my dog has made her become more of a 'cat person'!
Back to Scarley (that is her new name, for Scarlet seems to dainty and fragile for this feral beast!)and her God given gift of pure annoyance. Our day starts with her barking sometime between 5:30 and 6:00 a.m. (although she was in rare form for Brittany who informed us that she was awakened EVERYDAY at 4:50)ready to eat, do her bidness, and play a round of fetch the tennis ball (in the dark) This is EVERYDAY. She does not sleep in... EVER! We (and by 'we' I mean Ben) come downstairs, let her out, get her food, put her in the cage (yes, she needs caged to eat. She is hostile when it comes to food), and let her eat 2 cups of food... which takes about .03 seconds. Then she needs let outside again. All this takes about 4 minutes, at which time she is let back in the house, does her bast Carl Lewis up the stairs and bounds on the bed and starts slapping me in the face with her tail. If I don't respond to her hints that it's time to get up, she then jumps off the bed, stares at me, and starts that ear~piercing bark of hers that rivals nails on a chalkboard!
AND THIS IS WHY MOMMY DRINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I complain about her... A LOT! But, to be fair, there is A LOT to complain about! She is ridiculous. She is annoying. She is messy. She is L.O.U.D. She is expensive (do you need reminded of 'Vulvagate 2011'). She is bitchy. And she is mine. In spite of all her {insert appropriate word here. I looked in the dictionary for the perfect one, but she has eaten half of it, so there you go!} I love her. God help me, I do. I just don't like her very much. I have shed more tears over her than I have for my missing abs and shoulder blades, but I can't help thinking that she was put into our lives for a reason. God created her and said, "This will make for good payback for them". Oh, God, you are a funny, funny man, with a wicked sense of humor! I calm myself during moments of mayhem with the hope that one day she will be like my Hanky. He is the perfect specimen. They are uncle/niece, after all so how different can they be? I know the answer to this, but it helps calm me, so LET ME HAVE IT!
Well, that is all for today. I must let Scarley outside, for a leaf has fallen off of a tree and SHE IS HAVING NONE OF THAT NONSENSE!
Enjoy the peace of your quiet homes, readers (except for you Carrie. I enjoy a sick kind of happiness in knowing that I am not alone in this puppy hell. We are currently raising Satan's twins)!