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Ok, boys and girls (but mostly girls), today's lesson is on proper self-display etiquette. I have been disgusted for years at how young girls (and older ones, alike) are leaving very little to the imagination when it comes to wearing shorts, so I thought it would be helpful (let's face it, I am nothing if not helpful) for me to break it down into a few simple steps for you.
1.) IF YOU HAVE TO SHAVE OR WAX IN ORDER TO WEAR THEM, THEY ARE TOO SHORT!
|you missed a spot|
2.) IF YOUR BATHING SUIT BOTTOMS HAVE MORE MATERIAL THAN YOUR SHORTS, THEY ARE TOO SHORT!
|can we stop at the beach later?|
3.) IF YOU HAVE GIVEN BIRTH, IT'S MOST DEFINITELY TIME TO RETIRE THE DAISY DUKES!
|mom o' the year|
4.) (thought this would be a given BUT there is always one person that ruins it for everyone)
IF YOU ARE 20 YEARS POST MENOPAUSE, THEY ARE TOO SHORT!
|catherine bach on her way to shady pines|
Listen girls, I know that you are young and proud of your bodies, BUT, there is a very fine line between self confidence and looking like a skank. Maybe it's not that fine of a line, but please have a little self respect along with that self confidence. Think about how you want to portray yourself and how you want others to perceive you.
Parents, please take note that those shorty shorts you are buying for your daughters have the potential to be a 'gateway drug' to shorter shorts and less clothing.
|"look ma, no pants"|