Scarley & Me

Scarlet, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways... well there is the; NO, that won't work. How about how you; NO, that actually drives me crazy! I know, it's the; wait, that makes me cry! Hmmmm, I got nuttin'!
You know there is a problem when you have to pay someone (a big fat THANK YOU to the saint Brittany M. for your sacrifice) to keep your dog while you take a vacation (for the sole purpose of being away from her). I am afraid that she accepted the challenge because she loved dogs so much. I am even more afraid that a week with my dog has made her become more of a 'cat person'!
Back to Scarley (that is her new name, for Scarlet seems to dainty and fragile for this feral beast!)and her God given gift of pure annoyance. Our day starts with her barking sometime between 5:30 and 6:00 a.m. (although she was in rare form for Brittany who informed us that she was awakened EVERYDAY at 4:50)ready to eat, do her bidness, and play a round of fetch the tennis ball (in the dark) This is EVERYDAY. She does not sleep in... EVER! We (and by 'we' I mean Ben) come downstairs, let her out, get her food, put her in the cage (yes, she needs caged to eat. She is hostile when it comes to food), and let her eat 2 cups of food... which takes about .03 seconds. Then she needs let outside again. All this takes about 4 minutes, at which time she is let back in the house, does her bast Carl Lewis up the stairs and bounds on the bed and starts slapping me in the face with her tail. If I don't respond to her hints that it's time to get up, she then jumps off the bed, stares at me, and starts that ear~piercing bark of hers that rivals nails on a chalkboard!
AND THIS IS WHY MOMMY DRINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I complain about her... A LOT! But, to be fair, there is A LOT to complain about! She is ridiculous. She is annoying. She is messy. She is L.O.U.D. She is expensive (do you need reminded of 'Vulvagate 2011'). She is bitchy. And she is mine. In spite of all her {insert appropriate word here. I looked in the dictionary for the perfect one, but she has eaten half of it, so there you go!} I love her. God help me, I do. I just don't like her very much. I have shed more tears over her than I have for my missing abs and shoulder blades, but I can't help thinking that she was put into our lives for a reason. God created her and said, "This will make for good payback for them". Oh, God, you are a funny, funny man, with a wicked sense of humor! I calm myself during moments of mayhem with the hope that one day she will be like my Hanky. He is the perfect specimen. They are uncle/niece, after all so how different can they be? I know the answer to this, but it helps calm me, so LET ME HAVE IT!
Well, that is all for today. I must let Scarley outside, for a leaf has fallen off of a tree and SHE IS HAVING NONE OF THAT NONSENSE!
Enjoy the peace of your quiet homes, readers (except for you Carrie. I enjoy a sick kind of happiness in knowing that I am not alone in this puppy hell. We are currently raising Satan's twins)!

Home is where the mess is...

It's very true that home is where the heart is. I can attest to this. Living like a military family, and nomading (yes, it's a word) around the Midwest, I know positively that home is where Ben and the girls are. I can make a home anywhere as long as they are there!

So, after a crazy morning of packing lunches, letting dogs out, letting dogs in and cleaning off 8 paws and 2 muddy noses (if you are asking yourself where the other 4 paws and extra nose are, they are attached to Zoe who is lazy and will roll out of bed about 10 or 11), and cleaning out and organizing my pantry and fridge, I sat down to relax with my second cup o' joe and saw it... THE MESS! Yep, home is also where the mess is! I looked at the floor and saw a mud spot in the freshly cleaned carpet (thanks, BACC), looked to my left and saw a lampshade that was so crooked it was hanging on only with the help of the dust, I looked around the room and saw 5 tennis balls (2 partially eaten, 3 whole ones ). To my right was my favorite sweatshirt blanket from The New River, bought during our whitewater vaca last year, containing enough holes to make it NOT qualify as a blanket anymore. At the front door lays a ripstik that Caty rides tirelessly when home. It takes her to the door in the morning before school and she hops on it as soon as she walks in the door in the afternoon. On my office desk lays 2 digital cameras and a video camera for transferring pics from Cate's Narnia play last night (I got the pics on the PC with no problem, but for the life of me can not remember how to put the video on it!) On the mantle rests a HUGE blueprint drafted by Ali as a school project; not in a frame mind you, just rolled up like a poster, because that is as far as it got after school yesterday! Point is, it's like a tornado rips through this house every day! Don't get me wrong, my house is clean. I HATE clutter and dirtiness, but I am slowly (kids are 14 and 11) learning to not be so OCD about the house, because it's a LOSING battle. It is impossible to have a spotless house when 4 people and 3 dogs LIVE in it! If you have this and your house is spotless, send me tips! It's just that all this crap in my house reminds me that this mess directly coincides with my heart, because they are a part of the people (yes, we consider our dogs people) I love more than life. So, if home is where the mess is, THERE IS NO PLACE I WOULD RATHER BE!!!

To Pee or Not to Pee? THAT is the question...

When you are pregnant, it is such a joyous time. People are so nice to give you all kinds of unsolicited advice... where to give birth (no thanks, I prefer not to get birthing juice all over the same place I shave my legs), whether or not to find out the sex of your baby (the fact that we were pregnant at 21 was a surprise enough, so we went ahead and found out the gender), which nipples were best for the little bundle of joy ( I tried to make sure they were mine, but Ali ate to much and the real things got raw and bled, SOOO we went with the synthetics). My personal favorite was a when a girl told me I shouldn't drink caffeine because it would make my baby's head shrink ( FALSE!!! My baby was 10 pounds at birth, and 7 of it was head! Now that baby carries a consistent 4.0+ gpa, so I say, CAFFEINE IT UP, MOMMA'S!!) Most of the advice and 'helpful' hints were OK, and as a first time mother I listened to every piece of it! BUT, what I would have really appreciated was some honest to goodness, hard~truth, facts about the whole process! For example, I would have loved to have been warned that when you are pregnant you can develop hymroids. At 21 I had no clue what these were, so when I discovered them, I thought I had only months to live. I would have loved for someone to tell me to not even bother packing my size 8 jeans to come home from the hospital in. I would have happily packed my MC Hammer pants to avoid the post-partum breakdown that happened in my hospital room when I couldn't pull the size 8's over my knees! I would have LOVED to be warned that after birthing my baby, I would most definitely not be able to cough, sneeze, laugh, or jog, without peeing my pants! That one was a real eye~opener (oddly enough, I use that one as an excuse as to why I can't jog! THANK YOU incontinence!)!
This is why when I happen upon a pregnant woman all glowy and happy, I proudly tell her all the things I was never told! Sure, I may come across as a Debbie-Downer, but I can almost guarantee that it's MY words of wisdom that sticks with her most! I tell her not to over~eat just because she is 'eating for two', or she will gain 90 pounds like I did (I know! It's true! Why did I think I could wear the size 8's home? Did I honestly think I would birth 90 pounds?) I assure/warn her that laughter will become funnier/mortifying when she pees her pants during it! But mostly I warn her that once she holds that baby for the first time, she will never be the same! She will know love that she never knew existed. She will finally know what it's like to say you would die for someone and mean it! Motherhood is unparalleled to ANYTHING in the world! That is why I enjoy every time I pee my pants for I know it's my girls gift to me!

Antarctica

We are the world

My two cents on 'Christian' protesters...

There has been a lot in the news lately about so called 'christian' groups protesting funerals of fallen soldiers. I have watched video coverage of these 'Christians' in action; they hold signs reading "thank God for 9/11", "semper fi semper fags", "thank God for IED's", "God is your enemy", "Not blessed just cursed" and "thank God for dead soldiers". WOW! What bible are they reading? The Christians I surround myself with would have been inside the church, holding the hands of the family members, consoling them, and telling them how sorry they were for their loss, while at the same time THANKING them for the sacrifice they have made for the good of humanity. The Christians I know would have made meals for these families and brought them groceries. They would have provided a quiet ear to listen to the family revel in stories of their personal hero or they would read them scripture from the bible reassuring them of the beauty that surrounds their lost soul now and, help lead them too, down the path of eternal life. To say I am disgusted that these folks use the term 'christian' as a platform for hatred is a GRIEVOUS understatement. The bravest thing they have ever done is picket in front of a funeral home for people who are to distraught to fight back. Meanwhile, the HERO that fought to defend them, and their hate-filled souls, lies in a coffin, draped in an AMERICAN FLAG, just feet away. I know what the bible says is right and wrong. I also know that the bible says Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged, and Let He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone. I choose to 'love they neighbor' without condition... not 'love thy neighbor unless they are gay or don't have the same beliefs I do'. I am going to be the christian that loves all God's creatures and leaves the judgements to Him.
I am thankful for the Patriot Guard who rallies for good at these funerals and let's them know that their loss was NOT in vain. I am thankful that the majority of Americans, christian or not, are crying right along side them. I pray for these lost 'christian' souls. I pray they read the good word and let the true meaning of Christianity sink in. I pray that they learn the true meaning of God's word before they pass on this blatant hatred to their children. I pray that they can knock down those walls of hate and for the first time feel the real meaning of God's love, BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME!
Rest assured ye of little faith; THESE ARE NOT ACTUAL CHRISTIANS! Yes, they are children of God, we all are, but they are also zealots giving Christianity a very bad name. True Christians accept you for who you are and love you in spite of it...just like Jesus did for them. True Christians 'hate the sin, and love the sinner'! I would just like to say to these 'Christians'...if you are so disgusted by the ones that are giving their lives FOR YOU...YOU ARE FREE TO LEAVE!

RIP ALL FALLEN SOLDIERS, AND MAY GOD LAY HIS HAND UPON ALL THAT ARE STILL FIGHTING FOR US EVERYDAY AND BRING YOU HOME SAFELY!!!!

Peanut butter time!!!