Monday, January 10, 2011


Today started off like all the others do (aka. Groundhogs day). I got up at 6:15 to pack three lunches, consumed a gallon of coffee and some oatmeal, got three kids out the door (yes, I consider Ben one of my children during the week, for he requires the same questions I ask the kids before they leave; lunch? backpack? zippers up?). I relaxed on the couch for an hour due to the 8 hours I spent in the laundry room painting it yesterday (whoever decided red was a great idea for walls was H.I.G.H., sure it looks awesome, but getting to the finale is hell!). My body is still screaming at me as I sit here! I decided what I needed was a nice long, scalding hot shower to ease my aging bones. Of course, this required me to remove 110 pounds of dead weight off of my lap and then to untangle 15 pounds from the blanket at my feet. Once I did this, I wiped the sweat from my brow and headed upstairs for the tranquility of my rainforest showerhead. I preheated my oven and waited until all the glass was so steamy I couldn't see the tile through it, this is how I know it is at the perfect temp. I hop in and enjoy the peace and quiet. {(some of you may remember when Hank learned to open my old shower door and scared the piss out of me. It was a good thing I was already in the shower on that one!). Ever since that day I have shut the dogs out of the bathroom when I get in the shower, but the new house has a completely different shower door, so I figured I was safe!} Well today, I got a whole 38 seconds to myself before I heard the wookie chorus (Scarlet and Hank sound like wookies yelling at each other when they are in the midst of a heated battle) bounding into my Eden. Scarlet ran and sat down in front of the shower door and Hank didn't like it, so he nudged her out of the way and plopped his happy ass down on the rug. I was so proud of him. Usually he relents when it comes to Scarlet; she definitely rules the roost when it comes to the two of them, but today was different. As he laid guard (like a lazy Homer Kern lion) I enjoyed the steam. It was a great moment... then I realized there could be a problem. My new shower door opens out, and I have a dog the size of an S-10 laying outside mine; a dog that has finally stood up to Satan's spawn and is not about to give up his territory. I tried with all my might to push that door open, but every time the relaxing steam hit him when the door gave an inch, the deeper in a trance he became. I couldn't help but laugh... I was stuck... in my shower. I stood there contemplating my options, then I did the only thing any person who grew up in the era of John Hughes could do.... in my squeakiest voice I yelled JAAAAAAAAAKKEEE, while hitting the shower door! This scared the bejesus out of the S-10 on the floor and he shot out of the bathroom like a rocket. Mission accomplished! Thank you, Farmer Ted.

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