To Sleep, Or Not To Sleep...

We have already established in previous posts that I am getting old and frail, so this next bit won't surprise you in the least...

I am currently on my third pillow in as many months! I wake up (that is, of course, when I am able to sleep) with a headache and neck pain DAILY! I am on a first name basis with my chiropractors, whom I get the pleasure to see once, sometimes twice, a week! I am living in HELL, and hell has crappy pillows!

I am starting a new mission: OPERATION FINDANEWPILLOWORSTARTLOSINGFRIENDS! I am not sure how well my followers know me, but to say that I am unpleasant when tired is a gargantuan understatement. I am down right evil, and I own it. Even my hard-ass friend Nickie is afraid to cross me when I have 'the look' about me. So, you see, I need to rectify this massive problem, STAT!

this is me in the morning. lucky Ben

Here is a list of pillows I have tried in no particular order (I know. You are saying "Who gives a flying frack what order she tried them in". I don't care either, but I really like to draw out my posts):

WATER PILLOW - LOVED it, but it does puncture when stepped on by family members with talons.

FIRM - too firm

FEATHER -  felt like I was getting suffocated by Big Bird

MEMORY FOAM - liked it the first night, then I think it forgot what it's job was. IT SUCKS!

MATTRESS - I tried sleeping without a pillow. WHAT? Who am I, a cave man?

What am I missing? There has to be the perfect pillow out there for my dainty head. I mean, c'mon! Look at that mug! What pillow WOULDN'T want to snuggle up to that every night? When Ben came downstairs this morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed and said "Who did you sleep, Love Face?" I simply grunted and reiterated my need to find a new pillow. His response was a loving "Another high maintenance demand". Believe me, he wants me to find a gateway to sleep more than anyone! He bears the brunt of my ire when Mr. Sandman eludes me. Bless his patient heart.

Needless to say, on my list of things to do this weekend, finding a pillow is #1! If anyone has ANY suggestions I would greatly appreciate them!

Look at that girl with the Daisy Don'ts on!

Here is a little something to listen to while you are reading this entry...

Click here for some ear candy for your reading enjoyment

You're welcome.

Ok, boys and girls (but mostly girls), today's lesson is on proper self-display etiquette. I have been disgusted for years at how young girls (and older ones, alike) are leaving very little to the imagination when it comes to wearing shorts, so I thought it would be helpful (let's face it, I am nothing if not helpful) for me to break it down into a few simple steps for you.

1.) IF YOU HAVE TO SHAVE OR WAX IN ORDER TO WEAR THEM, THEY ARE TOO SHORT!

you missed a spot

The sad part about this 'phenomanon' is that there seems to be no minimum age to start donning these hooker shorts. Some of the shorts I have seen in Abercrombie make the US Sand Volleyball 'uniforms' seem conservative. Parents, please FORTHELOVEOFGOD, before you buy that 4 inches of denim for your daughters, think of all of the perverts that are going to be ogling your little princess and JUST SAY NO!

2.) IF YOUR BATHING SUIT BOTTOMS HAVE MORE MATERIAL THAN YOUR SHORTS, THEY ARE TOO SHORT!

can we stop at the beach later?

This one is pretty self explanatory.

3.) IF YOU HAVE GIVEN BIRTH, IT'S MOST DEFINITELY TIME TO RETIRE THE DAISY DUKES!

mom o' the year

"The best accessory for my daisy dukes is my baby's stroller", said NO ONE EVER! The fact that you are pushing a stroller and video taping your angel frolicking in the water fountain should be all the proof needed that your hooker shorts days are behind you! What makes me gag even more is when I see mom and daughter wearing almost identical DD shorts while out and about!

4.) (thought this would be a given BUT there is always one person that ruins it for everyone)
IF YOU ARE 20 YEARS POST MENOPAUSE, THEY ARE TOO SHORT!

catherine bach on her way to shady pines

If you have to wash your dentures while your dukes are in the rinse cycle, it's time to retire them. But let's face it, you still can't quit looking at this picture.

Listen girls, I know that you are young and proud of your bodies, BUT, there is a very fine line between self confidence and looking like a skank. Maybe it's not that fine of a line, but please have a little self respect along with that self confidence. Think about how you want to portray yourself and how you want others to perceive you.

Parents, please take note that those shorty shorts you are buying for your daughters have the potential to be a 'gateway drug' to shorter shorts and less clothing.

"look ma, no pants"

If you ask me, this is the way to go!

mom jeans!!!!

He who laughs last has the last laugh. Ponder that...

Lesson of the week, heard and learned loud and clear...

IF YOUR LAST THOUGHT BEFORE GOING TO BED ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT IS 'THIS IS MY LAST THURSDAY THAT I WILL GET TO SLEEP IN FOR 9 MONTHS' THEN YOU WILL MOST DEFINITELY BE AWAKEN AT 5:40 A.M.

       * As I was nuzzling into my cozy bed last night I was so looking forward to sleeping in one last Thursday. My goal was to not see the clock until it said at least 8:00 a.m.. Next week would involve school and lunches and all the morning craziness that goes along with it, so I was bound and determined to SLEEP IN! Fast-forward to the panic...

Ben: "GET UP! It's 20 til 6!"
Me:  "IT'S THURSDAY* (she said VERY grouch-ily)"
Ben: "Oh yeah, sorry"
Me:  "GRRRRRR"

He then heads to the bathroom where he flips the light on and the reflection of the six overhead bulbs bounces off of the 6 foot mirror and directly onto my eyeballs.

**Slight dramatization of actual brightness**
                               

Me:  "SHUT THE DOOR!!!!"
Ben: "You better shut something!"
Me:  "GRRRRRRR"

I am just about to drift off again, for it is now 18 til 6, when all of the sudden I realize that there is an earthquake, registering about a 7.5, violently shaking the room. Alarmed, I sit up and see that the quake is coming in the form of a very handsome 130 pound bundle of love who has joined me in bed. He is panting so hard that the whole bed appears to heaving to and fro and jostling my tired brain out of the 'slumber' it was {almost} in.

"Hi Mom. Look how handsome I am. It's time to get up."

Ben must have heard my brain bouncing around in oblivion because he chooses this moment to open the bathroom door again and the 24,000 watts of blinding light hits me square in the iris ( or is it irises You can't honestly expect me to know this right now. I am BLIND, remember!)

Me: "YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME!!!!!!"
Hank: "Pant Pant Pant Drool Pant"
Ben: "Good morning Sunshine"
Me: "GRRRRRRRR"
Hank: "Pant Pant Pant Drool Pant Lick Pant"
Ben: "I love you. Have a great day"
Me: "GRRRRR! I love you too"
Hank: "Pant Pant Pant Lick Self Pant Then Lick Mom in Her mouth while she's making that GRRRRR sound Pant Pant Drool
Me: " HANK SERIOUSLY!"
Ben: "TEE HEE"

So, by 6:00 a.m. I am awake and ready to Carpe the Diem all up in here! (If anyone tries to correct this last sentence I will shank you. I know that it makes no sense but I am tired and still slightly blind, so BACK OFF!) I have had my coffee* so the early hour doesn't seem so bad now. I'm sitting here in my quiet house (for my kids and dogs are sound asleep) watching the rain soak everything outside. As I type this I am serenaded by the sounds of thunder and snoring pups. I am a lucky lady. My coffee cup definitely runneth over!

Have a blessed Thursday



* I don't work Thursday mornings

* apparently, the distilled water I use to make my coffee everyday is not really meant to be consumed. It is mostly for cleaning small appliances. Why did I not know this? Why did I just find out about this yesterday? I am officially blaming my wrinkles and gray hair on all the DW I have drank all these years!

Aging Wisely...

Here are some fun facts about the number 38, according to wikipedia:
* The number of games that each team in the current English Premiership, the top     division in English Association Football, plays in a season
* Bill C-38 legalized same-sex marriage in Canada
* The number of years it took the Israelites to travel from Kadesh Barnea to the Zered valley in Deuteronomy.
* A "38" is often the name for a snub nose .38 caliber revolver
* Name of the southern rock band 38 Special
* The 38 class is the most famous class of steam locomotive used in New South Wales
* The number of the French department Isère
* There are 38 surviving plays written by William Shakespeare
* The gate of the sci-fi TV series Stargate SG-1 can stay open a maximum of 38 minutes.
* In Taiwan and some places in southern Chinese mainland, "3, 8", but not "38", is slang for stupid/idiot,especially women.



Now, here are some fun facts about the age 38, according to Tiffipedia:
* The number of times I pee my pants while sneezing, in a month.
* The number of years it took me to say "Screw it! I am happy with myself just the way I am", and truly mean it.
* The year I realized that having a chin hair grow three inches overnight was a foreshadow    into my future... Ben is a lucky man!
* The age I was when I celebrated 18 years of marriage to the man of my dreams, my oldest daughter turned 16 and my baby became a teenager. 


I remember when I was my girls age and meeting someone my age and thinking, "Good Lord, they are old. I hope I don't look that old when I am 38". I now know that 38 is not old, and those woman didn't look old, they simply looked wiser and more mature. As I am quickly creeping (rather, 'sprinting') up on the big 'three-eight',  I see just how wise I am. I am wise enough to know that I need at least 9 hours of sleep for my family to like me and that I require 2 cups of coffee in the morning before I can utter words, or those around me can utter words to me. Also, that I need to quit fighting the baggage under my eyes that looks like I am recovering from a severe case of the  'just had the nose job's, for the baggage will ALWAYS win! I am wise enough to be able to look at my husband and kids and to be truly grateful for them when I know that I am not worthy of having such awesome creatures love me. I am wise enough to know that even though I will make mistakes daily, I will also learn from them and not regret them. I am wise enough to know that my relationship with my parents will be an example to my kids on how to treat me. I am wise enough to know that I should NEVER leave the house without a bra on, even to walk to the mailbox. I am wise enough to know not to be embarrassed of/by my stretch marks, snuffalumpagus belly (what your belly looks like after a c-section), my gray hairs, and cottage cheese thighs, because they are all battle scars from motherhood. I am wise enough to know that not everyone is blessed with motherhood so that I should ALWAYS hold EVERY second precious with my babies, because the next second is never a guarantee.  I am wise enough to know that even though my child hood wasn't ideal, it was perfect for me because it made me who I am today. I am wise enough to know that without the love of my family and friends, my life would be nonexistent and without the unconditional love of God, NOTHING would matter... not even how wise I am. Lastly, I am wise enough to know that even with all my wiseness (yes, that's a word) I still know nothing. Now THAT is deep!


So, upon entering my 38th year, I want to say THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU to my nearest and dearest. You all are responsible for making these first 38 (ok, 37 3/4 if you want to get technical) as wonderful as they have been. I am definitely wise enough to be ever thankful for you. 


*** I hope my wise family and friends took this as the huge reminder that my birthday is drawing near, so they better get shopping ;) ***

[edit]

Soul II Soul said it best...

Back to life. Back to reality. This is the song that was on a loop in my head as I taxied off of the Florida runway. I would soon forget the way the palms swayed in the breeze and the surf sounded as I drank my morning coffee. If I was an emotional person, I probably would have shed a tear right there on the plane.

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am meant to live on the water, most specifically, the ocean. I am happiest when I am surrounded by my family while my toes are in the sand.  Our summer vacation this year was in Panama City Beach and I loved it! The water was clear enough to see the hoards of jelly fish that resided there and the lone shark I saw about 30 feet from shore one morning while I drank my coffee. I was totally in my element. I got to see family I haven't seen in years, including my bub who I haven't seen since he was safely returned to us from Iraq (Thank you Lord). I also was surrounded by yummy seafood, need I say more?

Our very last full day was spent on Shell Island. OH.MY.GOODNESS! This place blew my eyeballs away! It was the most beautiful place I have ever been. It was totally unmarred by man. Everywhere I looked it was water, sand, grass, or sky... PERFECTION! The water was the most beautiful color of aquamarine, especially when it rolled into the powdery white sand. The dolphins were totally friendly and where happy to interact with the island visitors. Ben and the girls were about 50 feet from shore and saw a few smallish black tip sharks sharing their space with them. I could have stayed here FOREVER...

... and then I met the jellyfish. More specifically, the jellyfish introduced me to his tentacles. Now, to be fair, in the beautiful sunlit water my thighs could very easily be confused for some sort of albino sea creature. I knew instantly what was happening across both thighs (that's right, MY jellyfish was an overachiever). I started hopping back and forth and (allegedly) screaming like a little girl. Ben looked at me with both shock and embarrassment (his usual look regarding me) and cocked his head. I said, "I was just stung! I need you to take me to shore and pee on me!" His response was a very heartfelt... "pee on yourself". CHIVALRY IS DEAD! Needless to say, my remaining time on Shell Island was spent on the sand, enjoying the beautiful scenery and watching my family search for shells and have a ball in the water. I was definitely feeling very blessed with so much more than I deserve (except the sting. I totally deserved that). God is so good.

My plan for that last night in Florida was to do the mandatory 'tan shorts, white shirt, family pic' on the beach. I was so excited to capture that second in time and I very smartly planned it for our last night because I figured we (me) would be nice and tan by then. What I didn't account for was the actual shade of tan I would be after a day if being on a secluded island, sequestered to the very reflective sand. My skin tone was less 'burnt sienna' and more 'Elmo on fire'. Needless to say, the TSWS pic was not happening! Not because I was too vain to stand next to my beautifully tanned family members and be immortally captured and proudly displayed over the mantle for all to ogle (read 'laugh at'). It had more to do with the fact that blinking brought tears to my eyes and I am pretty sure I could hear my hair crying, so donning actual clothing was not an option. So instead, I would opt to spend my last night in paradise naked and covered in sticky aloe vera WITH LIDOCAINE (thank you again, God, for lidocaine *and wine*).

So as I sit here reflecting on my wonderful week in beauty I can't help but to note my lessons learned.
1. Apply sunscreen every 32 seconds while on an island
2. Don't plan pictures for the end of a vacation UNLESS you are diligent about #1
3. Eat more seafood
4. Remember where you park the rental car in the 7 level garage. Hitting the panic button doesn't really work when the horn bounces off of the stone walls.
5. Buy the picture of all four of you during dinner, even if there are cheese sticks smack-dab in the middle of it. It WILL be the only one of you all together the whole trip!
**** and possibly most import****
6. Take an ample supply of urine with you while visiting the ocean. You CAN NOT rely on your significant other to provide it in an emergency.

I am woman. Hear me yawn...

As you may have known, I have been out of the workforce for several years, due to raising babies and what-not. I LOVED being a stay-at-home-mom, but now that the girls are older I was ready to get out of the house during the day and use what was left of my brain. I could seriously feel myself getting dumber everyday. When I started looking, I was blessed to find a great job at our dentist office. The doctors and staff are amazing and I truly feel like I have been adopted into a second family. The staff consists of 11 women (the poor doctors are the only men) and all of us are mothers. That is so awesome because they all understand that your family comes first. Just yesterday Caty called me at work and said she was locked out of the house. Apparently, the battery on the garage pad had died (PSA - check your garage pad battery often)! Thankfully, I live less than 10 minutes from the office, so the gals covered me while I ran home to let my kids inside. As much as I love having a job and getting my smarts back, I love even more that the fam is finally realizing all that I did when I was 'available' anytime of the day. No longer are the 20 trips a week to the schools to bring forgotten homework or gym uniforms. Gone are the days when I was the first parent in line for pick-up (now Ali is usually the last one there). The Karacia's know that dinner on the table by six is a thing of the past, as is a clean house,  but it's all good! I know I was ready to get back into the workforce. I like feeling that I am contributing something to the bank account. Let's be honest, that is a HEAVY burden to bear on your own, and Ben did it for years without complaint, just so our girls would/could have me around all the time, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I consider it the biggest blessing of my like that I was able to be home with my kids everyday. Who cares if my laundry room now looks like the Dugger's live here! So what if we live on ramen noodles and peanut butter sandwiches because I only make it to the grocery on Fridays (if I'm lucky). I respect and appreciate all the working mothers out there. I had forgotten how hard it was to keep a house, raise kids, and hold a job at the same time. I am so thankful for Ben and the girls for supporting my decision to go back to work. They realized it was something I had to do for my own sanity. Hmmm, now that I think about it, it was probably just a selfish support on their behalf, because you know what they say "if momma is crazy, we're all gonna be crazy". 

Pilates is dangerous...

You know that pain you get when you get snapped by a rubber band? OUCH! Times that by a billion and that is what it felt like when my exercise band broke mid maneuver and smacked me in the face! Pilates is dangerous! I know that there are woman well into their 80's that are reaping the benefits of it, but dangit, I am in pain!
No one has ever accused me of being coordinated. I trip over my own feet...OFTEN. Remember my Facebook post regarding my not-so-graceful face plant because of my pajama pants? Things like that are almost a daily occurrence, but come on. I thought that an exercise that had no swift movements and is mainly  a bunch of core work and stretching was safe, even for me! I guess that is what I get for thinking! 
I have been a lover of Pilates for several years and really enjoy doing it, but it has not been without it's fair share of pain (and I'm not talking the good kind: NO PAIN NO GAIN). I'm talking about the sprained ankle I have gotten while trying to balance on one leg, the pulled quad muscle, and the twisted finger (don't ask me! I still can't figure that one out), but I must say, this band welt is the most painful. 
I whole-heartedly admit that this is a prime example of a 'first world problem'. "Oh, boo hoo, I hurt myself while getting myself in shape. I think I will ice my wounds while I plan my vacation." I have never been ashamed to look like a fool to my reader. I also have never been afraid to warn you of dangers, and let's not forget that this is why you are here now. 
PILATES IS DANGEROUS! And if you are me, so is walking, sitting, standing, breathing, eating, sleeping (remember when I woke up with 3 dislocated ribs), and probably very soon, typing.  
Now that I have informed you, I must go ice my face and my dignity.
Toodle-loo